Self care for kids
Self care has become a much discussed topic. And for good reason. Many of us have neglected the basic care and keeping of ourselves for so long that we no longer even know how to do it. Once we’ve reconnected with what we need — movement, companionship, nourishment, practices that are meaningful to us — our lives feel revitalized.
But what if we could have avoided that disconnection altogether? What if someone could have shown us how to care for ourselves when we were just kids? Well, that is exactly the opportunity we have with our own beloved little ones.
Children learn best experientially. A great way to harness this is to use modeling. Bring them into the fold when you are riled up and do calming practices together. Invite them to join you on your meditation pillow or in the bathtub as you try to breathe through your hard day. Show them how you calm your nervous system as you take a break from a heated conversation to regroup. Show them how you apologize when you don’t respond the way you wished you could have.
Take them on a 5 senses nature walk: name 5 things you see, 4 things you hear, 3 things you feel, 2 things you smell, and 1 thing you taste. Invite them to sit in gratitude for the wonder of their bodies that are the vessel through which they experience life.
Show them how you care for your body. Invite them to join you in movement you — and they — love to do. Let them pick out an oil or a lotion and talk about how much your skin and your whole body needs care. Talk about how you only get one body — ONE BODY! — for your whole life.
Believe them when they tell you what they know about their bodies. That they are hungry or cold or thirsty — even when it doesn’t make sense to you. Help them focus on what feels good and right in their bodies, so they can soak that in — and also so they can notice immediately when something is not right.
Allow them to feel disgust. Not just for “gross” foods — although recoiling from rotten food is important, too. But also from people in whose presence we feel “grossed out.” Allow them to develop their inner knowing of who feels good and safe…and who does not. If you have suppressed your inner knowing, start listening. Allow yourself to say EW.
Teach them wonder for their bodies. Periods and poops and farts and body hair and odor…they are all part of the miraculous ways our bodies function. They have a purpose — teach them to take care of their bodies but to never, ever shame their uniquely perfect and wondrous physical selves.
Teach them that they are not their thoughts. They are not their actions. And that everyone has lanes of right action and not so right action. That we all lie and act mean and do things that aren’t fair or right or kind. But we are all good inside. We just keep working on doing the next right thing. And if we don’t succeed, we will get another opportunity (so many opportunities!) to try again, this time with even better tools than we had before.
Teach them that you love them. That your love is not tied to what they do or how they act or who they love. That your love for them simply is. That it is an unchanging constant. Show them that you love them by hugging them or just by continuing to share space with them when they are angry and yelling. Reframe behaviors you might read as “ungrateful” or “unreasonable” or even “manipulative” through the lens of “bigger feelings than they can manage right now.” And then show yourself that same love. No matter how you show up today, you are loved. After all, self love is the most profound kind of self care.
Teach your children that kind of self care.
Photo by Tatiana Syrikova