Radical self-love, Part 1
Have you heard the term “body positivity?” It sounds nice — important, even. But when we are led by poet-authors like Sonya Renee Taylor to examine it further, it comes up short compared for what we want and what is possible for our children, for ourselves, and for the entire, beautiful world.
Many of us grew up comparing ourselves to the carbon copy images we were bombarded with in magazines and on TV. It was tough. Now, multiply that by a million, and we begin to understand what it’s like to grow up in the world today. Tiktok influencers and youtube videos are powerful players in the Body Shame Profit Complex (a term coined by Taylor in her book, The Body is Not an Apology) — a complex that literally profits from convincing us to feel like we are not enough as we are. And we are more than enough! In fact, we are majestic and awe-inspiring. We are made of the same stuff as the oceans, the stars, and the heavenly bodies above us. The sooner we understand that our bodies are perfect as they are, the sooner we can extricate ourselves from a culture that has built its power structure and its bank accounts on our shared belief that only certain bodies are valued in this world.
Doesn’t that sound strange to say (or write/read, as it were)? Doesn’t it go against our nature to assign only a certain body type, skin color, gender, sexuality, and bodily ability the title of “worthy enough?” And yet that is exactly the society in which we live. If you, like me, were sucked into this belief at a young age and became not only a believer, but an active disciple of it (as said so beautifully in this podcast), do not feel ashamed. Not only does shame actively work against love and growth, but it is also literally not your fault. We were born into this culture and belief system. It makes sense that it would take some time and some guidance to extricate ourselves from it and create something much more beautiful instead.
What does it look like to divest from a fat-phobic, ableist, racist, sexist (just to name a few) culture? First of all, get real with yourself. That means really look at how you feel about yourself and why. This may involve digging up some old hurts; it may necessitate a therapist. It may involve examining, and probably changing, what kind of media you consume. It may involve looking at how you compare yourself to others and how you feel afterwards. If we want a better world for ourselves, our children, and all human beings, then this is essential work.
The Body Shame Profit Complex is only gaining traction and power, as social media disseminates ideas and products rooted in devaluing most bodies — and, in doing so, devalues most human beings. We only need to look as far as the fact that eating disorders at least doubled during the pandemic to find evidence for how powerful and relentless this system is — and to see how young people are falling victim to it in staggering numbers. Although experts don’t know exactly why eating disorders increased so dramatically, body dissatisfaction and desire for weight loss were key contributors. It’s hard to imagine a scenario in which the hugely increased exposure to internet and social media messaging of not enoughness during the pandemic did not play a large — if not the largest — role. Additionally, at the same time as we were spending more time consuming social media, most of us also lost our social support systems — supports that could have strengthened us against those destructive messages. In some ways, the pandemic created the perfect scenario to allow those devaluing messages to take root quickly and very, very deeply.
It’s time to have the conversations with ourselves that open the door to a world where we love our bodies and stop judging them based on a metric that was designed to oppress and keep power only within a certain group of people’s reach. Those conversations and changes will enable us to not only truly love our bodies, but also truly love everyone’s bodies — which, in turn, leads us to a place where we are capable of truly valuing every human being.
And isn’t that the kind of world we want not only for our children, but for ourselves?
Photo by Serkan Göktay