Change is so hard! Or is it?
Change is something that is often thought of as something really difficult, something that happens incrementally, if at all. But what if there were a different way to approach change that envisioned it more along the lines of a matter of setting yourself up for success?
Once you are motivated to change, it actually can come very easily and naturally. Many people quit drinking or smoking — as in FOREVER — after a single terrible or even enlightening experience. The power of psychedelics to break addictive patterns is further evidence that dramatic and immediate rewiring can occur — and that it can result in lasting change.
But how do we access this kind of nearly effortless change in our day to day lives? The secret is to understand when, where, and how we engage in the behavior, thought pattern, relationship, etc we’d like to change. Since most change simply involves replacing something we’d like to change with something else that serves the present day us.
Another piece is to honor what that behavior, relationship, or substance offered us or the time it allowed us to get through. In substance use scenarios, some people find freedom to change only after they have thanked their substance for the comfort it provided. So, someone might thank alcohol for getting them through their divorce or obsessive scrolling for getting them through moments where they didn’t feel okay enough to be fully present.
Once we acknowledge what these things have provided, we can often see even more clearly how they are now holding us back. Since we are ready to thrive now, instead of just survive a situation.
Addiction is a much bigger and more complex topic than I could possibly address fully in a blog post. To truly address addiction, an experienced care team is invaluable. Gabor Maté’s book In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts may also offer insights and potential approaches to addiction that may be deeply beneficial.
But perhaps the change you’d like to create is less dramatic — perhaps you’d just like to use social media less or read more or drink more water or move your body more. These changes happen in similar ways.
Ground into how this change would improve your life — really imagine into how your body and self will feel after a few weeks of engaging in this new behavior
Look at your life and find the times , ways, and places you engage in the opposite behavior of what you’ve identified as the one that will bring more joy and vibrancy to your life
Examples:
A. If you want to move more, when do you sit for extended periods?
B. If you want to drink more water, when are times that you could drink water but just don’t — and why don’t you?
C. If you want to use social media/your phone less, what are times of day/situations when you find yourself getting sucked into the rabbit hole of your phone? When do you use social media? And how do you FEEL after being on your phone and/or social media a lot?
The answers to these questions will get underneath the WHY you need to change (and provide a great boost to your motivation) and also the HOW.
Examples:
Do you plop down on the couch after work? Go for a walk instead
Do you sit at your desk for hours but don’t drink any water? Keep a water bottle right next to you. Already do that? Set a water alarm. Don’t love the taste of water? Add lemon, lime, orange, or cucumber or herbs like rosemary or mint to your water. Do you like cold fruity stuff? Add ice and strawberries! Do you like hot and healing stuff? Add an herbal teabag or lemon — or even cinnamon? Once you find what is blocking you, you can create a system to invite this nourishing change into your life in an effortless way.
Do you check your phone first thing in the morning? Journal, stretch, go for a short walk or read a poem instead (depending on what you’d like to invite more of into your life)
It takes some thought and some planning, and also some honesty — like are there things you aren’t actually ready to change? Give those more time — if those changes are truly in your best interest and truly coming from YOU, you’ll get there! Start with the places where you’re ready to change. And if it’s hard to get going, partner with someone who is also looking to feel better in their lives and shed old habits that no longer serve us. REALLY FEEL the impact not moving, being dehydrated, being zonked out on social media has on your life. Do a body scan after being on your phone for a while — how do you feel? Probably not too great.
And now — imagine into how you will feel and move through your life when you have made changes that open you even more to the joy and vibrance available in this world.
Photo by Akil Mazumder